I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
