i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
