I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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