My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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