Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
