people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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