she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
