yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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