I wish I could teleport
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
sex in a hospital.. check
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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