i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
