The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
