Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
