You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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