you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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