we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
