Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
