imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize