after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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