Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
