thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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