Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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