careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
