It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
