He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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