I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
