dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
