i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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