**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My sheets look like a crime scene.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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