I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize