Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
