I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
