fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
