True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
