I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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