i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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