Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
