I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Alive.
So much puke
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
MIDGETS
????
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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