I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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