Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
