I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
