he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
