Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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