he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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