I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
