the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
how does that bad decision feel?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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