onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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