the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
