Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
