how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
