he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize