ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize