I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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