his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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