We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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