please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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