why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
so much tequila, so little girl.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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