I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
