There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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