i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
