plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
