im drinking this country out of the recession.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
