why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
