I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
