respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
