From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i believe in u and ur pee
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
