People in love make me want to vomit
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to calm my uterus...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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