BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
