I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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