So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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