you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
