apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
