Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
