She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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