Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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