Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
