I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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