i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
