I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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