he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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