I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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