He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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