I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
