Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
