He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
