come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
