upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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