how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
