i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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