im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
