Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
