there was a trapeze. enough said
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
