I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
