yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
