Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
