I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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