Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
