So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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