just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
