rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
