remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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