whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
