I'm jealous of your bromance
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
